{"id":27757,"date":"2025-04-15T15:13:00","date_gmt":"2025-04-15T19:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rbcwealthmanagement.com\/en-ca\/?post_type=rbcwm_podcast&p=27757"},"modified":"2025-08-21T10:14:37","modified_gmt":"2025-08-21T14:14:37","slug":"episode-63-the-dementia-grey-area","status":"publish","type":"rbcwm_podcast","link":"https:\/\/www.rbcwealthmanagement.com\/en-ca\/podcasts\/episode-63-the-dementia-grey-area","title":{"rendered":"The dementia grey area"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Alzheimer\u2019s Society of Canada has predicted that 2030 by nearly one million people in Canada will be living with dementia. Cognitive decline often begins years before a formal diagnosis. And this grey area, when these subtle changes emerge but remain uncertain, can be a time of real confusion and risk, especially when it comes to financial and legal decisions. Families are sometimes left wondering, is this normal aging, or is something more serious happening? Yet, despite its impact, this stage is rarely discussed, leaving many to navigate it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hello, I\u2019m Leanne Kaufman, and welcome to RBC Wealth Management \u2013 Canada\u2019s Matters Beyond Wealth. With me today is Nancy Carlson, a children\u2019s book author and illustrator, who\u2019s published more than sixty books over the course of her career. But her life took an unexpected turn when her husband of 30 years began making devastating financial decisions, forcing them to sell their home, their cars, and nearly everything they had built together. What first seemed like uncharacteristic and reckless choices were later explained when he was diagnosed with a form of early dementia. Today, Nancy shares her story to help others recognize the warning signs and navigate this difficult journey. Nancy, thanks for being here with me today to share your experience in this dementia grey area and why this matters beyond wealth<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, thanks for having me. I\u2019m happy to share my story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So we know that cognitive decline isn\u2019t a linear thing, and it doesn\u2019t happen all at once, and often starts with some subtle changes, like misplacing items, difficulty finding words, and then sometimes shifts in judgment. Can you tell us how it was when you first started noticing changes in your husband\u2019s behaviour and what some of those early signs were that left you wondering if something wasn\u2019t quite right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, the changes at first were very subtle and his form of dementia is an interesting one. It\u2019s called frontal temporal dementia or FTD for short. That\u2019s how I\u2019ll refer to it and FTD affects the frontal lobe of the brain, which is your executive functions and your personality. So the first thing you notice with somebody with this form of dementia is they become quite disorganized. Their executive functions are, they\u2019re having trouble with that area in their brain and also their personality changes. For me, my husband was in charge of my career. I mean, he was the manager of it. He lined up my school visits, he worked on my contracts, and I realized that he was not doing a good job at managing my career. He was alienating some of my editors and it was very, very subtle at first. I eventually said: listen, you have to go find a job because you\u2019re not doing the job that I need done. So this is coming from a person who was very, very organized and he was losing his organizational skills and another piece is his personality changed. So he had this dull affect, I guess you\u2019d say. He also, this is a kind of a humorous part of it. I mean, we did learn to laugh at some of these things, is he would eat breakfast after breakfast after breakfast and I\u2019d say, Barry, you just had breakfast. Why are you eating more? And he said, well, I\u2019m hungry. But he couldn\u2019t remember that he\u2019d eaten, number one. And number two is that in that part of the brain, his brain wasn\u2019t telling him he\u2019s full. It was telling him, eat, eat, eat. But I think the organizational piece is the key to look for in your spouse or partner. If they start becoming totally unorganized, you\u2019ve got a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how did you handle those early conversations, I mean, other than asking him why he was eating so many breakfasts? How did you start, you know, speaking to him about the changes you were seeing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, yeah, that\u2019s the best question. And if I had a time machine, I\u2019d go back and rather than be angry all the time\u2026 I was just angry. I was like, I kind of assumed it was kind of since he was nearing his late sixties, maybe he was going through a midlife crisis or I don\u2019t know. But I was just, rather than dig deep into the problem in the beginning, I just got irritated and angry. And being a true and tried Scandinavian from Minnesota, I\u2019m really good at putting things away in my brain and not worrying about them. And that\u2019s what I did. And it was a huge, huge mistake. I could have caught it a lot earlier. But instead, I stuck it in a cupboard in my brain and ignored it and went about my business of being an author and illustrator. And that was a bad mistake on my part. I figured if I just didn\u2019t think about it would go away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So we alluded in the intro to the fact that it did have devastating financial consequences for you and seemingly your career as well. Give us some insight into what some of those decisions or situations were that you maybe looking back, you wish you\u2019d handled differently when it comes to the finances or the legal aspects of what was going on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, so we got in this routine as a husband and wife where he handled all the paperwork and all the business stuff and all the financial pieces of our life. If he brought a piece of paper to me to sign, I signed it. I didn\u2019t ask why. Bad mistake. I wasn\u2019t a true partner in our financial life. I let him deal with it. As a matter of fact, he would get our taxes prepared. And I found out and I\u2019d sign it, and he\u2019d say, here, sign this. And then he\u2019d go meet with the tax person, and he didn\u2019t pay taxes for ten years. I didn\u2019t know that. But I take a blame in that as a spouse who just allowed him to take all the business aspects of our life. And I never asked a question. But I began asking questions when one day\u2026 Here, by the way, is one of the subtle things that Barry did in the beginning of FTD is he would always meet the mailman, always. So we both worked out of the house, and he always was standing there when the mail carrier came, and he grabbed the mail first. I didn\u2019t really think about it. I mean, oh, well, he\u2019s kind of bored. He\u2019s obviously wanting to see if there\u2019s a check in there. That\u2019s the way I thought about it. But it turns out he was hiding these things from me. He had enough in his brain to tell him, I\u2019ve got to hide this from Nancy or she\u2019s going to be really mad at me. One day I did get the mail, and I found letters from banks, credit cards, and some letters from our friends who he had borrowed money from. And he was hiding it all from me. And he was doing a really good job of hiding for a long time. And I guess if I had intercepted the mail earlier, again, I could have maybe caught it. But my career is one where I also travel a lot. So he was left at home for weeks on end as I did book tours. And it was easy to miss some of these things. But it eventually caught up to him and to us, and he got to the point where he could not hide it anymore. His desk looked like it was a bomb had gone off. This is someone who never had a paper out of place. And pretty soon there was stuff everywhere. No bills were paid. And then obviously, I went and got him to a neurologist through some advice of a lawyer friend of mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah, tell us about that. Tell us what some of the first steps that you took were in order to protect Barry and your family, really, like once you realized that something wasn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So my lawyer friend, I explained to her that we had all this debt. And she said, you know, it sounds like he has the same thing my father had, which was similar to FTD. She said, bring him to a neurologist. And that was when I really started to become proactive in our financial piece and in trying to protect him as well. So he was diagnosed with FTD. And I immediately went and got power of attorney. And that was through my lawyer, I would never have known even about power of attorney. I got that right off the bat. And through my nice friend, who\u2019s the lawyer, she helped guide me through other ways that I can protect myself. But, you know, you can\u2019t protect yourself from the IRS here in the United States  so I had to come up with a plan to pay them back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the thing is, we had already sold our house before his diagnosis. So that was another eye opener to me is when we sold our house, I realized we had two mortgages on it, not just one. And it just was one thing after another. It seems like such a bad dream now looking back and it seems so long ago now. But yeah, there were so many hurdles along the way that\u2026 This is someone who just draws pictures. I don\u2019t even know how to do multiplication tables barely. So for me to start handling finances and all this was it was it was really hard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was harder on Barry because he had enough of a realization that he couldn\u2019t do it anymore. And then he was getting sick. But one thing good about FTD is they really, really don\u2019t know that they\u2019re failing. They might in the beginning, but then they forget about it. Whereas Alzheimer\u2019s, the Alzheimer\u2019s patient would be more aware of what they\u2019re losing. Where FTD, he once he gave me all the finances, he could have cared less. He didn\u2019t think it was a problem. Good for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah, yeah. So what advice would you give to other families who might be noticing some changes in their loved ones so that they could maybe put safeguards in place a little bit earlier or as soon as possible?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, I guess look for the disorganized piece. And that would come with Alzheimer\u2019s as well. If your normal loved one is super organized and they\u2019re not and things are kind of getting out of control that way. Go right away. Just stand up to them and get strong and go get them diagnosed. If there is a problem, it\u2019s better to catch it early. And don\u2019t just be angry. Take charge, I guess. And I didn\u2019t do that quickly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, but hopefully your story and your message that you\u2019re sharing so publicly and have been sharing helps other people from being in the same situation. Why don\u2019t we pivot to talk about you for a minute and specifically you as a caregiver? You know, not only are you in the throes of dealing with all the financial stuff at this time, but you\u2019re also presumably starting to have to navigate becoming a caregiver to your husband and then maybe starting to grieve the person who he once was as his personality changes. How did you care for yourself or did you care for yourself during this process? And what advice would you give to others in a similar position?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did care for myself. I have chronicled our journey with my art and with writing through a blog. And you\u2019d think writing about it would be like, why do you want to write about it? But it really helped me figure out how I was feeling. And it also helped me forgive him and me for what we were going through. It just, it really helped me figure out what I was feeling, I guess. So if, if a person has a creative bent, or if they maybe just like to write a little poetry now and then, or maybe even knit or something, find something for you to do. Another thing I did was I got really into hiking. I know it\u2019s just, just going out into the woods and spending an hour or two with myself really, really helped me think about things, plan. Also I joined a support group and I think that was really important. I learned so much about the finance piece. I learned about adult daycares through the support group and other important things, just meeting with people going through the same thing really helped. And I am not a support group person at all. Like I don\u2019t really like to talk about my problems, but boy, it was sure helpful. And I met really good friends there. And the financial [piece], some people were going through it. Like me, some had figured out the financial piece and could guide. So joining a support group helped me, hiking and just creating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, I think that those are all good pieces of advice for anyone in a caregiving role. The creativity, the connection with nature and connecting with others. You know, the financial part of it, of course, harkens back to some of the messages that we try to deliver to our clients and the Canadian public around planning and getting in front of some of this planning before it becomes a crisis. So hopefully those listening may also heed some of that advice and make sure that those things like the power of attorney that you were talking about are in place well before there\u2019s a crisis and events happen like you experienced. Nancy, if you hope that listeners just remember one thing from the conversation you and I are having today, what would that one thing be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think the biggest takeaway with my journey with FTD is ask questions, become a partner with your partner on your financial life. This is something I did not do. I can\u2019t tell you the times we met with our accountant and I daydreamed the entire time, stared out the window and thought, boy, I wish I was outside. Why am I here? And I feel bad that I pushed all that on him. So become a full-fledged partner with your partner on your financial life. Really important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s great advice. Well, thank you so much, Nancy, for joining me today to share a brief look into your journey through this uncertain time in your life and the lessons you learned along the way and why this matters beyond wealth<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nancy Carlson:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leanne Kaufman:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can find out more about Nancy Carlson at nancycarlson.com<\/a>. If you enjoyed this episode and you\u2019d like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social media or leave a rating and review. Until next time, I\u2019m Leanne Kaufman. Thank you for joining us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Outro speaker:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether you are planning for your own estate, the needs of your family or business, or you are an executor for a loved one’s estate, we can help guide you, simplify the complex, and support your life’s vision. Partner with RBC Royal Trust and ensure your legacy will thrive for generations to come. Leave a legacy, not a burden\u2122. Visit rbc.com\/royaltrust<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you for joining us on this episode of Matters Beyond Wealth<\/em>. If you would like more information about RBC Royal Trust, please visit our website at rbc.com\/royaltrust<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

RBC Royal Trust refers to either or both of the Royal Trust Corporation of Canada and or The Royal Trust Company. RBC Royal Trust and RBC Wealth Management are business segments of the Royal Bank of Canada. Please visit https:\/\/www.rbc.com\/legal <\/a> for further information on the entities that are member companies of RBC Wealth Management.  \u00ae\/\u2122 Trademark(s) of Royal Bank of Canada. RBC and Royal Trust are registered trademarks of Royal Bank of Canada. Used under licence. \u00a9 Royal Bank of Canada 2025. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This podcast is provided for general information purposes only and is not intended to provide any advice or endorse or recommend any content or third parties referenced in this publication. Further, nothing in this podcast constitutes legal, accounting, estate planning or tax advice and should not be relied upon as such. You are advised to consult with independent tax, legal and professional advisors before taking any action based upon the information contained herein to ensure your own circumstances have been properly considered. While information presented is believed to be factual and current, its accuracy is not guaranteed and it should not be regarded as a complete analysis of the subject matter discussed.<\/ins><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The information provided in this document is not intended as, nor does it constitute, tax or legal advice. The information provided should only be used in conjunction with a discussion with a qualified legal, tax or other professional advisor when planning to implement a strategy.<\/del><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Quebec, financial planning services are provided by RMFI or RBC WMFS and each is licensed as a financial services firm in that province. In the rest of Canada, financial planning services are available through RMFI or RBC DS. RBC PHNIC, RBC GAM, RBC DS, RBC WMFS, Royal Trust Corporation of Canada and The Royal Trust Company are member companies of RBC Wealth Management, a business segment of Royal Bank of Canada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


This document has been prepared by RBC Royal Trust for use by Royal Bank of Canada, Royal Mutual Funds Inc. (\u201cRMFI\u201d), RBC Phillips, Hager & North Investment Counsel Inc. (\u201cRBC PHNIC\u201d), RBC Global Asset Management Inc. (\u201cRBC GAM\u201d), RBC Dominion Securities Inc. (\u201cRBC DS\u201d)*, RBC Wealth Management Financial Services Inc. (\u201cRBC WMFS\u201d), Royal Trust Corporation of Canada and The Royal Trust Company, which are separate corporate entities that are affiliated. * Member\u2013Canadian Investor Protection Fund. 

<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>

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Learn about navigating and recognizing the early signs of dementia in loved ones.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"editor_notices":[],"rbc_url_alias":"","footnotes":""},"rbcwm_content_owner":[609],"rbcwm_podcast_category":[484],"rbcwm_podcast_series":[460],"class_list":["post-27757","rbcwm_podcast","type-rbcwm_podcast","status-publish","hentry","rbcwm_content_owner-royal-trust","rbcwm_podcast_category-healthy-aging","rbcwm_podcast_series-matters-beyond-wealth"],"acf":{"rbcwm_custom_breadcrumb_text":"Matters Beyond Wealth","rbcwm_custom_breadcrumb_link":"\/en-ca\/podcasts\/matters-beyond-wealth","rbcwm_subtitle":"Learn about navigating and recognizing the early signs of dementia in loved ones.","rbcwm_post_author":[1316],"rbcwm_video_id":"6371189474112","rbcwm_video_duration":17,"rbcwm_apple_podcasts_link":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/ca\/podcast\/the-dementia-grey-area\/id1647429032?i=1000703648609","rbcwm_spotify_link":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/1KdLnXxQseAdzM6WGWztYz?si=zgCgxGEPTeuNAXtPo7pztQ","rbcwm_download_link":"https:\/\/mcdn.podbean.com\/mf\/download\/6nmtarvqzsf87f3s\/matters-beyond-wealth-episode-the-dementia-gray-area.mp3","rbcwm_post_quote":"\u201cOne day I did get the mail, and I found letters from banks, credit cards, and some letters from our friends who he had borrowed money from. 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